For the first time, in a very long time, actually like how things are. Except for my health which is completely and utterly bonkers right now, I feel somewhat calm.
I don't have twenty different meetings to run to, or four classes to attend with their twenty books to read and ten papers to write. And, to top it all off, I don't have to work three jobs just to make ends meet. I like being alone during the day. I find that the hardest part of working at home is actually knowing when to stop. It's funny how there's this idea that if you work from home, it's easy to goof off. I think it is to a certain extent, but once I sit down to do work, I am "in the zone", until I make myself stop.
I find myself more in control of my time, my eating, my energy level.
But... I know this is probably not going to last. My temp contract runs out at the end of October. The company is slashing jobs, and have closed all recs. My boss really wants me to stay, and we're putting together an "offer they can't refuse", so that I get to stay on, and work from home. But, I don't know how likely that is right now.
Also, there's just so long I can put off my fieldwork before I start freaking out. I need to get on the ball ASAP and get things lined up. I told Dr. S. that I'm having an existential crisis (mainly about school). She asked me to write to her about it, and we can talk about it when I see her at the conference next month. So, I'll process some more, and send her a letter and we take it from there.
In the meantime, I am reading an excellent book, and... ahem... I do have to write a paper for it. It's the last of a DIS that I took over the summer.
Okay, now time to go read.. This is probably one of the most brilliant books I've read in a very long time. It's "A Colonial Lexicon: Of Birth Ritual, Medicalization, and Mobility in the Congo" by Nancy Rose Hunt
What the hell??? This is probably the meanest fortune cookie I have ever gotten. How mean!
As the name of this blog implies, I am an anthropologist. And, I consider myself an activist. The two sometimes butt heads, and sometimes leave me with quite a headache. I've been feeling a headache for the last few months which was prompted by a comment during my prospectus defense for my PhD. It's amazing how one off-the-cuff comment can generate such a crisis of discipline.
I have my MA in applied anthropology. It's something which I am actually quite proud of, and I have published about how I felt that applied anthropology has finally solved the paradox between being an academic, and being an activist (Note to self: reread that paper). For my current PhD program, I wrote a prospectus that I was quite proud of. I finally got it to a point where I thought that it was what I wanted to do. During my prospectus, the two non-departmental committee members commented on how much they loved it. One departmental committee member fell asleep, and the other one text-messaged. But... the gist of it is that at the end of the presentation and the Q&A period, one of the members said, "This is very good. But where is the anthropology?" Needless to say, that took me quite by surprise. If the whole thing is not anthro, then what the heck is it?? The follow-up comment was "it reads like a very applied project. There's no theory in it." This was followed by another comment by my major advisor with "if you're hoping to graduate from this program, then you need to make it more theoretical."
Those two comments struck me as "funny", since when I was studying for my applied MA, I was told I was "too theoretical", and now I'm told I'm "too applied." I can't seem to win.
So, the topic I am engaged it, morally and ethically, I cannot be disengaged from. I can't merely "observe", but I have to find ways of creating change both in practice, and in policy.
I just read three papers written by colleagues about active engagement. But how? How is that even possible, when I feel like my back is against the wall sometimes. Yes, I can be "objective" and "relative" (and boy, have i been trying to be relative!). But, there are two distinct reactions to my doing so. One is to receive death threats and hate mail. I've actually learned how to live with those. The second is to be constantly reminded that as an anthropologist, I must remain "detached" and "objective" (well, as close to it as I can, anyways). I have a very difficult time looking at particular practices "symbolically", while I know that some women are actually suffering physically, psychologically, and emotionally from it. It's not something that's "out there", that I need to document and try to understand symbolically. It's people's lives that are at stake. There's so much work to be done, and I just can't see myself sitting somewhere in the ivory tower contemplating the symbolic aspect of it.
This dilemma is really not new. It's something that I thought I dealt with in the past, but apparently, I haven't. It's also something that many anthropologists, especially people like Nancy Scheper-Hughes and others, have had to deal with on a daily basis. They were ridiculed for it. They were told that what they are doing is not "real" anthropology. But, what is "real" anthropology? Certainly, I hope we are past Malinowski's, Radcliffe-Brown, and EE Pritchard's detached observations.
So, where does this leave me? At a crossroads, it seems. I have to keep reminding myself that it's not a black and white thing. There are grey areas, and there are plenty of other anthropologists out there that I can look to for inspiration on how to reconcile my dilemma.
More pondering time is in order.
When my brain hasn't kicked in yet in the morning, the Vimrod comics just crack me up. The main site is here: http://vimrod.com/, but the archives is here: http://www.lastlemon.com/dailydose/index.htm
Yesterday I woke up with a sore throat, and throughout the day, I kept feeling worse and worse. This morning I woke up, and my throat was literally on fire, and I decided that I was definitely coming down with something. I stayed home, and I'm glad I did. B got me some nyquil nitetime/daytime. I don't know what it is, but I don't think the dosage is the same in the syrup as it is in the pills. For example, I took on dose about three hours ago, I am still awake, and my nose feels like there are cotton ball sstuffed in it.
I have no energy to do anything. I have tried to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I tried to do crosswords, or read, no energy. I don't even have energy to watch TV.
I just remembered that the last time I got sick my doc gave me some meds to make me fall asleep. I think I'll be hitting those when I'm ready to call it a night.
What I really need right now, though, is some serious nose spray action. I just cannot breathe through my nose.
Why don't they make one of these for adults?I's a " Stuffy Nose Suction Kit"
First days at work are never smooth. No matter how much people try, the first day something always goes wrong. For me, today, I didn't have a network account. This meant that everytime I stepped away from my desk, I had to come back to my boss and ask her to log me back in. I was promised that everything will be fixed by tomorrow morning. I really hope so.
The commute this morning was relatively smooth. Ever since I got my GPS unit, I'm not afraid of getting lost anymore. So, this morning Maggie (my GPS's name) got me to where I needed to be with no problems, even though I veered off the track about six different times, and drove her nuts. She just recalculated the route, and off I went.
In the afternoon, I signed up to join the gym which is on site. It's $19/month with full amenities. I'm psyched.
My only challenge right now is to figure out how to get to and from work every day without having to drive. I'm willing to carpool or take public transportation. The public transit system here is functional, but I can't make the different systems in different cities connect. I'm going to call tomorrow morning and see if someone can help me plan my route. It'll take me about 1.5 hours to get to work, which adds a whole hour on my commute. But, on the plus side, I won't be driving, and I get some time to read/write every morning.
Okay, time to call it a day/night. After working, and laundry, and fighting with the MBTA system, I'm pooped.
